


True to Herself

by thatnerdemryn



Series: Em's Femslash February 2020 [5]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Character Study, F/F, Femslash February, Gay Panic, Unrequited Love, bisexual maryse lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:21:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22593970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatnerdemryn/pseuds/thatnerdemryn
Summary: When Maryse met Jocelyn, things weren’t so black and white anymore.
Relationships: Jocelyn Fairchild/Maryse Lightwood
Series: Em's Femslash February 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1621414
Comments: 10
Kudos: 19
Collections: Shadowhunters 2020 Femslash February





	True to Herself

One of Maryse’ strongest traits was that she was solid. She was a brave shadowhunter who led the institute with a clear mind and closed heart. Her intelligence made it easier for her to make decisions and her pure morals made her know when something was right and something was wrong. 

Until it wasn’t so black and white anymore. 

Maryse met Robert Lightwood when she was just a teenager. Her mother would always preach to her about remaining true to her blood. She always cursed her maiden name for it. When her parents met Robert, it was love at first sight. He provided a foolproof plan for Maryse’s future and she wasn’t against that. She wanted to run an Institute one day and she knew that Robert was the perfect way to do it. So she married him on a lovely spring day in Alicante and never looked at another man again. 

And then there was Jocelyn. The strong willed, stubborn, beautiful Jocelyn. They fought side by side for the Circle while their husbands plotted a new world. One that would be rid of demonic energy so their children could grow up pure and never be stuck fighting for good. They trained together, ate together, researched together, spent every single moment of time they weren’t with their husbands together. 

But the world revolved around Jocelyn. For Valentine, for Lucian, for Maryse. Everyone was pulled to her in a way that Maryse wished she had. Valentine loved his wife almost as much as he loved the Circle. Lucian loved her more than he loved the Circle. And Maryse? Maryse didn’t care about the Circle. She followed her husband because it was the right thing to do. She stayed because it led her to Jocelyn. 

But Jocelyn betrayed them. She turned on her husband, her child, her friends and, more heartbreakingly for her, on Maryse. Maryse had never felt her heart break before that moment. She thought she knew what sadness felt like, what betrayal felt like. When Valentine announced that Jocelyn had abandoned them, her mind and body stopped. It was like a million seraph blades stabbed through her and no iratze could heal the wounds. She had never felt pain like that before. 

It took her years before she realized why. 

It wasn’t until Clary waltzed into her children’s life that she accepted her feelings for what they were. She always thought she had wished to be as loved as Jocelyn. But she realized that wasn’t what she had wanted at all. She wanted Jocelyn to love her the way that she loved Jocelyn. Deeply and purely and without any thought. 

She never fought for it, though. She never searched the realms for her or asked the most powerful beings on her payroll for help. She let Jocelyn go because the Circle was ruined and she had her and her children’s name to protect. 

And it confused Maryse. She had been with her husband, happily, for so many years. There was nothing pushing her away until she was much older. And she realized soon that she didn’t care that Robert was slipping away. She didn’t care that her family name was tarnished. She didn’t care that her son was dating a warlock or that her daughter was dating a seelie. 

When Alec marched down that aisle and grabbed a man by the lapels and kissed him with all his might, Maryse realized that nothing else mattered. 

None of that mattered because they were happy living true to themselves. And she wasn’t about to let her own shot at happiness disappear. She was going to have her Jocelyn back if she had to fight the world for her. 

**Author's Note:**

> Nicola is my bi queen so *shrug* 
> 
> Feel free to shout at me on [Tumblr](https://archeryandeyeliner.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/thatnerdemilyj).
> 
> Please leave kudos if you like it and comment to make me smile.


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